It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.

If you live far away from a person you no longer want to date just let them know that they are geographically undesirable.

When a guy says "I have no idea what you're talking about" it means "I'm thinking of exactly what you're saying I did while I lie to you."

On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.

I want to be able to challenge myself. And do things that are away from what I usually do. Stand-up is safe for me. I can do stand-up in front of twenty-five thousand people, and I'm like, "I know how to do this. This is what I do." I want to be a little scared.

Every joke has its origin - the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.

When I have a really hot date at a show, I definitely make it a point to use her name. The girls really love that.