It's not for any purpose such as religion, health, or things like that, I just never felt I had the need or want to drink or do drugs.

Dear semi hot girl taking photos on a boat. It's not your boat so stop acting like you own it. You drive a used Civic.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

I saw a young boy eating an ice cream cone, ... I smashed it in his face. You know that kid is going to remember me when he's 50.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.

I've lived (in LA) for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't anymore.