I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.

I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head.

Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.

There will be a guy in a yellow poncho, his name is Hank, he will take you to the whopper lair.

Every time you come in from cheating on someone, they'll just whip out the most adorable term of endearment. Like, they'll wake up, bright and early, sleep in their eyes and say: "Hey, perfect."

Video games don't make people go nuts. I played Super Mario forever. Not once hopping on a turtle or smash my head through a brick ceiling.

People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.