I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.

My favorite sexual position is when the girl is facing Mecca and I am fighting off a wolf.

If you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma.

Why do bad guys in movies always love to whistle really slowly?

My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.

The problem with dating a model is they won't go out with you if your cars color doesn't match their outfit.

Ex-girlfriends will find themselves in my new routine. Sometimes they like that, and sometimes they definitely do not. But comedians should come with a giant warning or disclaimer: IF YOU DATE ME, IT WILL BE IN MY ACT.