My brain is very fantastical. If I ever actually recorded myself, I could probably win a Grammy for sex talk. Being on the road while in relationships, you need to learn to pleasure one another.

I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.

If you have to be at work at 8, it's always like, 7:54. Just enough time to do nothing. To just lay there and go, "I can't do anything! I can't even have an English muffin!

There will be a guy in a yellow poncho, his name is Hank, he will take you to the whopper lair.

I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.

I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.

Three weeks ago one of my dreams came true. I finally got to see something I always wanted to witness live. I finally saw someone get hit by a car... Nailed!