I had one job that was kind of cop-like. One summer I did security at a miniature golf course. Just standing out in the sun all day, Hey, hey, excuse me sir. Get your putter out of the whale's ass. Come on, this is a place of miniature business. This is not a playground even though it looks like a playground.
Dane CookIf you lie to a person at least tell someone else you've lied to the truth. It balances out your karma.
Dane CookWhen you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
Dane CookHere's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.
Dane Cook