I have faith in all mankind. Well,not faith really, more like hopeful suspicion. And not "all" but 5 people. Mankind meaning computers.

I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head.

I don't like when juice wears tights, its a horrible combination when juice wears tights.

I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.

We never had a pool, right. So one summer, I remember. My dad, to make me happy. You know I was bummed out cause we didn't have the pool. So one summer he bought us this thing. It was yellow, you laid it on the lawn, sprayed it with the water, run across. Slip n' Slide. Yeah. Would have been fun if dad checked for rocks before he laid it down! Slip n' Bleed from the anus they should have called this ride.

You know you're lazy when you run out of toilet paper and use the cardboard roll to wipe with.

In the year 3000, everything will be instant.