Any guy that refers to dating women as the hunt or being on the prowl should be evaluated for a number of conditions.

Some girls look beautiful with no makeup on at all. I call them lazy. Now go throw some war paint on you bleak empty canvas you.

This is a dream come true. HBO is the highest echelon in the world for a stand-up comedian to attain. Throughout my career I've trusted my instincts to lead me down the right path, and I am honored to work together with this network while contributing to the legacy that is HBO.

Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.

I'm willing to write a check for $10,000 if someone can bring to me what I fell is ruining thousands of lives, destroying lives everyday. And I know that you know it's a little thing called Chupacabra.

If my voice can resonate that way with kids, maybe it will resonate through 'Planes' as well, and they'll hear that little something that I'm giving to them, a performance that says to them, "I want to try." It's all interconnected. I don't think it's thinking too deeply about it.

I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.