I have never even had a sip of alcohol, never have done drugs. The hardest thing I have ever done would be Pepsi.

My nickname for my mom was 'The Compass.'

I'm curious by individuals that embrace half a story so they can justify how incomplete they feel about their own self worth.

I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are taken in by it, they see that I'm a guy that has love of the game.

A lot of comics are kind of vampire types; we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I'm going to go out there and shake hands.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

When you swear to God, its true ... right now God is watching and saying, this is true.