I'm bringing back the skinny tie but wearing it tied around my balls.

Trolls look for reasons to hate but really what they are mad at is the fact they are not included in anything ever.

I never leave a dog alone in a car on a hot day. I make sure it's with an elderly person holding a baby.

I found someones passport on the ground tonight. Where do you sell these things?

Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don't like it.

You've gotta share what's going on in your mind.

You are the director of your own life story. Don't cast idiots or people will walk out during your 2nd act.