I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.

I am going to name a group of my kids after my favorite cartoons, I am going to name them after Transformers.

When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion.

We never had a pool, right. So one summer, I remember. My dad, to make me happy. You know I was bummed out cause we didn't have the pool. So one summer he bought us this thing. It was yellow, you laid it on the lawn, sprayed it with the water, run across. Slip n' Slide. Yeah. Would have been fun if dad checked for rocks before he laid it down! Slip n' Bleed from the anus they should have called this ride.

When you're not in love, when you don't have love, everybody you know falls in love.

Start each day out the holy way..with Christ Chex, it's a miracle in a bowl. Just open the box and you hear AHHHHH....and then a lil' angel flies out and says 'good morning, life is beautiful!'.

I'm not giving up on life. I'm giving up on today.