I'm like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don't know. I just make fun of everything.

Making a good music video isn't easy. If it were, MTV would still be showing them instead of '16 and Pregnant,' which I assume is shot exclusively in Utah.

You know who makes a great first impression? Liars.

The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?

Models: I'm not voting for you for any stupid magazine list! If you were really that Hot you wouldn't have to beg the world to stuff the ballot.

You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.

I assume the only reason we have them is so that white people feel relevant in sports. Because other than that the only thing the winter Olympics show me is which country has more rich white kids. What's it cost to go skiing - $900 a day? I can't believe that's not more popular in the inner cities.