No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

This nation is so friendly that the leading cause of injury is getting passionately embraced by strangers.

With humor you have so many options with topics and length, I mean I can write humor essays in books now and they can be as long as I want them to be.

There are a number of people without whom I could not have written this book, but I hope you don't hold that against them. They are all fine people, and they had no idea how it would turn out.

The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

The Olympic movement simply cannot allow the Russians to become estranged, because Russia is a vital part of the world sports community, in the sense of having nuclear missiles.