European toilet paper is made from the same material that Americans use for roofing, which is why Europeans tend to remain standing throughout soccer matches.

In the words of a very famous dead person, 'A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly on the Scholastic Aptitude Test.

Each year, millions of skiers come to Colorado to experience its superb emergency medical facilities.

For the benefit of those of you who have real jobs and are not involved in the news business, I should first explain that . . .

We idolized the Beatles, except for those of us who idolized the Rolling Stones, who in those days still had many of their original teeth.

But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there,you'd be lost at sea now,wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land." (Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots)

What I want to know is: Why is it important to have visible stomach muscles? I grew up in an era (the Paleolithic) when people kept their stomach muscles discreetly out of sight.