Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.

That's the trouble with Nick. The only time he opens his mouth is to change feet.

The hardest thing I ever did was get sober. I was drinking two and a half bottles of whiskey a day and taking 40 Vicodin. If I had known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself.

I don't want anybody to understand what my depression feels like because in order to understand it you have to have been there, and I don't want anybody else to go.

Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff.

If god wanted people to believe in him, why'd he invent logic then?

The course is so long, I had to take the curvature of the Earth into consideration.