The hard part about SNL is, there's no real communication when you get there. It's not like people are mean to you, they just act like you're not there.

Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, "That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible."

Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I'm on 8.

Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic.

Don't make your kids look hot and dirty and sexy when they're 5-years old! It's really not the place or the time. You're about 11 years early.

I got into stand-up to get on a sitcom.

I feel like I've got this anti-marriage thing, but it's less that and more I'm overthinking it to get it right.