I just don't like to go out and deal with the real world. It's scary.

Spent most of the summer looking for shade. Driving around. Shade. Please? Driving in malls. I'll park a mile away I don't care. I'm just looking for a tree branch, anything. Long weed. Big leaf, get the front corner panel under it. Oh precious shade, I have it - you don't!

When I'm interviewed on Leno, just be funny, period. That's all they want from me. I don't want to tell my life story.

People come and go around you, but you're never the one getting the big stuff. I like that.

I talk to my dad all the time, he's more like my buddy than my father, and he's not happy that I use him in my act. But I tell him, I have to get something out of this.

If I try to cover too much ground, you start to get watered down and less interesting.

It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I'm sure I will, but I'm just trying to postpone it.