As boys get older, they can't let on that it's cool to meet me.

Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic.

Bill Murray I always liked. I'm not as good as him, but there's a quality in him that I like. And then there's DeNiro, I'll never be that.

It's good to do stand-up. It kind of wakes you up and makes you feel like you're doing something. You got the crowd right there. That's all fun.

Nobody wants to read about your life. Who cares?

Spent most of the summer looking for shade. Driving around. Shade. Please? Driving in malls. I'll park a mile away I don't care. I'm just looking for a tree branch, anything. Long weed. Big leaf, get the front corner panel under it. Oh precious shade, I have it - you don't!

My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.