I'm like a Dilbert cartoon.

I talk to my dad all the time, he's more like my buddy than my father, and he's not happy that I use him in my act. But I tell him, I have to get something out of this.

There are a couple hard things. One, getting a funny idea that people can relate to; a funny idea or a funny script; there's a million pitches.

I have two skateboards, but I don't get to use them much. I have a snowboard, which I've never used.

Single guys get a bad rap.

Don't make your kids look hot and dirty and sexy when they're 5-years old! It's really not the place or the time. You're about 11 years early.

I don't like throwing myself in a place that's going to rock my world.