I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.

I think it's interesting that cologne rhymes with alone.

One thing I learned is that it's never OK to walk through a cemetery dressed as a mummy - even if that was a shortcut on the way to the costume party.

I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.

I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.

The other night I was playing twister with some amputees.

Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.