I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.

Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.

I've often liked a girl, made her laugh, and thought she liked me, and then found out that she didn't like me that way. I've definitely done time in the friend zone.

Cottonballs are an example of something I'd want to buy, but not have as a nickname.

I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.

The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).

Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.