I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.

A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'

To remove all credibility from what you're saying try wearing sunglasses on your forehead.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.