Don't talk to strangers. Sure, unless you want to meet anyone ever.

Cotton balls is an example of something I would buy, but not want to have as a nickname. Cinnamon buns, on the other hand, is something I would buy and want to have as a nickname. 'Are you Cinnamon Buns?' 'You bet your sweet ass I am.'

If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.

At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.

There is a small, but important, difference between peeing in the pool, and peeing into the pool.

Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else.

How to be a bouncer: be an asshole; stand near a door.