You can make a very heavy and kind of dangerous 3-way shot glass out of a bowling ball.

I always wanted to do a movie, because I love the movies. They give you a chance to have an intimacy with your audience that is different from stand up. With movies, you can bring the audience in with a close up, and emote in a different way.

Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.

I went whale watching once. It was very similar to watching people on a boat become disappointed.

Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.

Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.

Clowns have no respect for pie.