I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.

I think statues are great; they show what great people would look like if a bird sh*t all over them.

Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.

The question is, 'how bad at sports were you as a kid?' I grew up near where they film Jersey Shore. If you weren't tan, muscular, and book-averse, you were a dork and a nerd and a geek and stuff. I remember being into Gary Larsen, Stephen Wright, Peter Sellers.

As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.

I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.

I saw a dog wearing a sweater and I thought that looked ridiculous 'cause dogs don't have arms. If you're going to put clothes on the dog, you should put two pairs of pants on it.