A lifevest protects you from drowning and a bulletproof vest protects you from getting shot, and a sweater vest protects you from pretty girls.

I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.

It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.

My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.

Here is a tip for all you young people drinking wine. With pasta, drink white wine. With steak, drink red wine. And if you're vegan, you're annoying.

Vampires probably don't have great breath.

Right before I'm about to talk at length about something I like I say, Get me started.