To make even fewer friends try talking about politics as much as you talk about yourself.

You can say 'Thanks,' and you can say 'Thanks a Million' - but any number in between?

I am everything and I am nothing. I am just kidding; I am not everything and nothing. That would be ridiculous. I am just everything.

Multi-Choice question: My dishwasher is: efficient; hilarious.

Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That guy won a gold medal in the Olympics" "Oh yeah, that's cool, i wanna watch the fat guy" "Come on dude, you can take that hill"

Jumping jacks are easier to do than crawling jacks.

Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.