To make even fewer friends try talking about politics as much as you talk about yourself.

I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.'

And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning I'm looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then I'm on the right track.

When a couch potato is sliced up and then deep fried that is couch french fries.

A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'

Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.

Suicide is the #1 killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.