I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.'
Demetri MartinSome of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else.
Demetri MartinI don't know if I'll ever be a master at anything, but I think that's a mistake for me personally. I don't know how much it's about the journey, but it's more about the process.
Demetri MartinMan versus woman equals fun. Man versus man equals gay. Woman versus woman equals awesome. Man versus pillow equals crazy. Pillow versus pillow equals crazy awesome - that's a real pillow fight right there. You see two pillows fighting, you know something's going down. They're designed for relaxation. If they're fighting, what hope do we have? One time I saw two geese fighting, and I was like, 'This is a pillow fight ahead of time.
Demetri Martin