I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.'

To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.

I have never been in a bad mood and near a beach ball at the same time. Causation? Correlation? Or fate?

Right before I'm about to talk at length about something I like I say, Get me started.

Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

Here is a tip for all you young people drinking wine. With pasta, drink white wine. With steak, drink red wine. And if you're vegan, you're annoying.

I think cats would have an even worse attitude if they found out how stupid their names were.