Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.

I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!'

It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive.

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

When I am at rodeo I find it difficult not to root for the animals.

My policy is 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.'

But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom.