I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes.

I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.

I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

Bowling would be more interesting if it were slightly uphill.

I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.

Stand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable; that's survival.