There's a saying that goes, 'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.' OK. How about, 'Nobody should throw stones'? That's crappy behavior. My policy is, 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.

REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.

I think one of the most groundbreaking inventions of all time is the jackhammer.

I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.

There is a small, but important, difference between peeing in the pool, and peeing into the pool.

'Dammit I'm mad' is 'Dammit I'm mad' spelled backwards.

I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.