Sometimes if I really want to get someone's attention, I'll start a sentence with something like, "I'm not racist, but..." I say, "I'm not racist, but you look great today." They say, "That wasn't racist at all." I said, "I know. I said I'm not racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican."

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.

To be creative, first I need to be really organized. If my apartment's messy I need to clean it. It's like before you start doing your homework or studying for a test, you have to have a clean room.

Conclusions are based in time. We live in time. So any definition of success is bound up with time. With other things you can say, "Can I yo-yo? Can I juggle?" Usually you have a pretty small window in which to get your answer. Stand-up is different. You can't do stand-up for one night and say, "Am I a funny stand-up comedian?" In two months or two years you'll start to realize it.

Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.

Our Times, a Brief History: As televisions became flatter, People became rounder.