I love having an open seat next to me on the train. What's even better is when my seat is open too because I just stayed home.

My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal.

I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.

Multi-Choice question: My dishwasher is: efficient; hilarious.

When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.

Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.