I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'

Our Times, a Brief History: As televisions became flatter, People became rounder.

Relationships, like eyebrows, are better when there is space between them.

It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.

Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.

99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.

I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.