I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'

I find that a shirt is most similar to a napkin when I don't have a napkin.

At the battle of the bands the loser's always the audience.

I've met a few people who were passive-aggressive, but I've never met anyone who was aggressive-passive. I don't want tacos! Maybe.

I like video games, but they are very violent. I want to create a video game in which you have to help all the characters who have died in the other games. 'Hey, man, what are you playing?' 'Super Busy Hospital. Could you leave me alone? I'm performing surgery! This guy got shot in the head, like, 27 times!'

One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton".

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.