I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'

A power nap, is when you sleep on someone who's weaker than you

We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.

When I was younger, I'd get very empirical with myself. "I have a hypothesis about myself. I'll put myself in a situation, see what happens, then I'll draw a conclusion based on the empirical evidence. Hypothesis: I can play basketball." So I'd try. "Conclusion: I cannot play basketball."

The Pursuit of Happiness: It sure seems to like a good chase, doesn't it?

Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.

For some reason cowboy sounds better than cowman.