Whenever I investigate a smell, I find that the answer is always bad. It's never: 'What is that? *sniff* muffins!'

I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.

In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person's yard.

I think the most annoying language is a tie between all the ones I don't know how to speak.

Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.

A power nap, is when you sleep on someone who's weaker than you

If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.