I love catching a snapshot of something that is just about to happen. Or maybe something that just happened, you know. But I like especially that just-before kind of feeling.

Turtles are greater than baby nephews, because it's ok to drop a turtle.

The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.

I bought a clock, but the big hand broke off of it... so I just added "ish" to every number.

I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.

You mock those who blindly follow the majority...turn your attention now to those who are so dedicated to deviating from the norm that they would gladly cease breathing if it were suggested to them that inhalation was a form of conformity; for they deserve just as much scrutiny and ridicule.

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!