This is a pie chart about procrastination.

A squirrel is the same as a can, when there's a bb gun in my hand. Can't you see that I am just a man? With distinctions... and comparisons.

Overheard today in restaurant: Can you stop listening to our conversation?

This is a pie chart about procrastination.

I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.

I have an erratic drummer for anybody who's just listening to this, he can keep time, but just in spurts.

I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.