Sometimes it looks like I'm dancing, but it's just that I walked into a spider web.

I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.

I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.

You never forget your first kiss. And that's what makes it so hard to forgive my uncle.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.

The question is, 'how bad at sports were you as a kid?' I grew up near where they film Jersey Shore. If you weren't tan, muscular, and book-averse, you were a dork and a nerd and a geek and stuff. I remember being into Gary Larsen, Stephen Wright, Peter Sellers.

I saw a dog wearing a sweater and I thought that looked ridiculous 'cause dogs don't have arms. If you're going to put clothes on the dog, you should put two pairs of pants on it.