You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.

I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.

I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.

I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!'

To make a squirrel look less uptight, put tiny sunglasses on it.

After going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term 'happily ever after' lived reasonably well for a while.

There's a saying that goes, 'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.' OK. How about, 'Nobody should throw stones'? That's crappy behavior. My policy is, 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.