You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.

The key to life is balance, especially if you are on a ledge.

When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.

Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.

The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.

My friend asked me I ever swam with dolphins. I was like, 'Yeah, of course. What distance are we talking about from the dolphins? Because the last time I was in the ocean, I'm pretty sure I swam with most of them.'

When they were naming the animals, somebody got lazy: anteater? What's it doing? It's eating ants. DONE!