I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.

There is a small, but important, difference between peeing in the pool, and peeing into the pool.

100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.

Here is a tip for all you young people drinking wine. With pasta, drink white wine. With steak, drink red wine. And if you're vegan, you're annoying.

Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room... can even bring things to a climax.

Small businesses are important, but so are tiny businesses.

I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.