I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.

When I first heard the term 'training bra,' I was freaked out. I was pretty young and I said, 'Did you just say training bra? They're training their chests? I had no idea.' See some lady, her boobs are everywhere. 'What's her deal?' Those are untrained titties.

When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.

If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.

I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.

I like shorter jokes. I like fewer words. I think the more ideas there are the, the fewer words there should be.

I started being a comedy fan when I was, I'm going to guess, like 5 or 6 years old.