Palindromes are the number one conversation stopper, like party killer, I think I've ever seen.

I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. "Keep sleeping." All right, perfect.'

I just found out that I have more allies than America!

My friend asked me I ever swam with dolphins. I was like, 'Yeah, of course. What distance are we talking about from the dolphins? Because the last time I was in the ocean, I'm pretty sure I swam with most of them.'

I am a man. And I am former baby and a future skeleton, and I am a distant future pile of dust.

I think bears and worms aren't very similar... until you think of gummy.

I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.