If you want to feel less sexy put scotch tape on your nipples.

A sports bar is a way to take a bar and fill it with even more annoying people than usual.

I have an air mattress. It's great because if someone tries to suffocate me in bed I can just poke a hole in it and use it to stay alive.

To make even fewer friends try talking about politics as much as you talk about yourself.

What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.

I always try to just be honest ... As opposed to artifice or manipulation.

I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.