The earth without art is just eh.
When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.
Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
I have a time machine at home. It only goes forward at regular speed
I love having an open seat next to me on the train. What's even better is when my seat is open too because I just stayed home.
When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.