People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.
My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
I think statues are great; they show what great people would look like if a bird sh*t all over them.
Clowns have no respect for pie.
I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.