Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.

If you have a lip ring try hanging some tiny keys from it. This will make you look even more interesting.

Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.

I am the Walrus, but not the one you're probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in the sense of legendary music and more the Walrus in the sense of his tendency to to lie around in places for too long.

The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.

I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.