Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.

I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital.

A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.

Right before I'm about to talk at length about something I like I say, Get me started.

When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.

The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.

Let no man's deathbed be a futon.