Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.

I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. "Keep sleeping." All right, perfect.'

Knights would have probably liked refrigerator magnets.

We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.

To look like you are a real sports fan, when there is a game on TV just yell, Oh, come on! every now and then at the TV.

I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.

I am bravery. I am courage. I am valor. I am daring. I am holding a thesaurus.