Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.

Have a great day. Note: does not apply to my enemies.

A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.

Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.

Knights would have probably liked refrigerator magnets.

The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).

I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'