If you have a lip ring try hanging some tiny keys from it. This will make you look even more interesting.

I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.

I still like paper books. Like, book is a flammable object. After you read it, you could use it to get warm. Or it could become a pile of napkins.

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

If I were blind, I'd wear a blindfold all the time.

I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no "chocohol". We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably "over-workaholled".

It turns out dentists don't like it very much when you show up for a cleaning in full vampire gear.