Clowns have no respect for pie.

I don't want to be my own boss. I want to be my own colleague.

When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.

A squirrel is the same as a can, when there's a bb gun in my hand. Can't you see that I am just a man? With distinctions... and comparisons.

I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.

My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'

I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.