I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'
Demetri MartinAfter going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term 'happily ever after' lived reasonably well for a while.
Demetri MartinI don't like thank you cards because I don't know what else to say. What do I put on the inside? See Front.
Demetri MartinI bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole".
Demetri Martin