Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.

When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.

The definition of adventure depends upon how boring your life is.

If you drink enough beer, everything turns in to a bed.

For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.

I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.

When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.